Therapy Changed my Life ( healing gurl era -therapy journey)
Posted by Kyndle Moore on
Many times when we talk about healing we focus on food, exercise, drinking more water ... etc.
What we often forget is the MASSIVE impact our mental health has on our physical health. You quite literally can not heal the body without healing the mind.
What I learned in my healing gurl era, is that no matter how many areas I progressed in within my healing journey ( consistency with my supplements, focusing on mineral intake, eating clean, using clean products) None of that mattered if/when my mind was not in a healthy place
For the longest I thought therapy was only for the broken. I feel like this is a pretty big stigma in the black community. Our elders say, pray, go to church, if you do that you don't need therapy. Our parents have said only crazy people need support with mental health. As much as faith plays a role in my daily life, prayer alone was not helping me or my mental health.
I was praying, I had faith.. and I also had negative feelings about "mental health". Therapy/ mindset/ manifestation - it was all voodoo. Or at least that is what I thought.
After my first miscarriage ( winter 2022) , I was having some very scary thoughts. I had moments where I thought to myself, it would be best if I wasn't here. I felt my body had failed me, so what is the use of trying with anything. As an achiever, and most of the time a positive person, these thoughts scared me. I was planning on getting married in the summer ( 2023) and knew I could not go into my marriage feeling like this dead weight, feeling so broken.
Even with praying and pleading to God, I felt like a shell of a human. For several days, then weeks. I could barely muster up the energy to get up and go to work. I just wanted to lay in a dark room and cry.
I realized, I had to come clean and tell my then fiance that I was struggling ( he pbvi saw me struggling) But I dont think he knew that I was scared of myself or that I was having such bad thoughts. The scary/ dark/ anxious thoughts. That alone was one of the hardest things I have ever done and I believe it was the beginning of looking my mental health right in the face. I have never been in a relationship where we talked about real feelings. Of course the surface level stuff, but never the deep deep shit. With my hubby it was different, I knew I could talk to him and he would do his best to understand.
After our conversation and my confession, I knew it was time to ask for help. I ended up signing up with better help. I didn't want to have to travel to a therapist, I wanted to do it from the comfort of my own home. Also ,to be honest, I didn't want to look anyone in the face and tell them I was struggling. My first session, I signed up to do a phone call. I didn't want the therapist to actually see me squirm, also ...what if I cried OMG. Couldn't handle the thought of crying in front of a mere stranger.
The therapist I matched with reached out to me and mentioned that she would love to do a video call over a phone call. I felt too awkward to say no, so I did the video call.
After my first session, I felt a HUGE weight lift off of my shoulders. I know I wasnt "healed" but it felt so damn good to get everything, all of my feelings off of my chest. I also cried, and there was no judgement, no shame. It felt good.
I slept like a baby that night !
I met with her once a week to start. I had completed a progress quiz to begin to get a baseline of where I was starting. LOTS of anxious thoughts/ anxiety, high stress, thoughts of self harm. Every area was HIGH ( in the red).
After 1 month of meeting, she send me the progress quiz to take again. The results were about the same. I felt let down. I truly thought about quitting, I wanted to really bad. However , I had promised myself 3 months... so I kept the promise to myself.
Into month 2- I dug into some childhood traumas, fears, how I wanted to improve myself for my future hubby. I was feeling way more comfortable with my therapist too. I was looking forward to my sessions each week.
Into month 3 -my progress quiz had improved. I FINALLY was starting to see and feel the progress that was being made.
I went from weekly visits to biweekly to once per month by month 6. I actually met with the same therapist for 6 whole months. To this day I am shocked to day that. I can not express to you how badly I wanted to quit, not once, not twice , but three times.I contemplated calling it quits. I just knew it "wasnt working"
However in retrospect, I was healing,
My scores by month 6 was all in the green. I felt so in control, I felt so happy. I learned how to address my anxiety ( YES my diet/ nutiriton protocols/ breath work/ boundaries played a role in my healing journey and my journey is still not over) but I haven't felt so "chill", ever in life.
Many of the practices I learned with my therapist have stuck with me.
I am so so thankful that I took the leap, invested in my mental health and gave it a chance.
If you are on your healing journey. DO NOT NEGLECT your MIND.
The mind is the baseline for your health. I whole heartedly believe that to be true.
In my Total Wellness- Healing gurl era guide, There is an entire section on affirmations, gratitude, mental health with tools/ steps that I used in my own personal healing journey.